Like we always say, CrossFit is a family.
An added bonus is that you can choose your immediate “family” of CrossFitters by choosing which gym you go to.
The only downside is that so can every other CrossFitter. So no CrossFit gym is going to be perfect.
But that doesn’t mean they won’t be fun.
People often say “Variety is the spice of life.”
Well guess what, the average CrossFit gym is spicier than Wasabi.
There is no shortage of variety in every CrossFit gym you could possibly come across.
You will find literally hundreds of different types of people who call these gyms their home away from home.
There are some who are more common than the rest.
Certain CrossFitters seem to inhabit every gym you come across, no matter where you are.
Let’s take a look at the 11 types of Crossfitters you’ll see at your CrossFit Box.
You’re in the middle of doing some heavy snatches, and this person is screaming through every rep.
Alright, it’s tough, so that makes sense!
But then you’re doing some kettlebell swings, and they are still screaming.
Unless you’ve been doing kettlebell swings very wrong for your entire life, you’re pretty sure that they do not require you to scream along with every rep.
Another day, your group is warming up on bikes.
The Screamer is STILL screaming.
Why are they screaming on a bike, you wonder, i’m not even sweating yet.
You could give them the benefit of the doubt and think that maybe they are screaming because they have some phobia of mobile sitting devices they are trying to work through, but that seems unlikely.
So you just sit there, silently screaming at them to stop audibly screaming right next to you.
The Screamer just loves to scream.
They want everyone in the entire CrossFit gym to know how hard they’re working.
On top of that, they love the sound of their voice.
They’re like those people who bring a guitar to every party and insist on playing it.
Except instead of at least trying to sing, they just make as loud of a noise as possible.
Captain Oblivious flies through the CrossFit world, never stopping to look around. He has amazing powers: the ability to retain no information, the ability of extreme tunnel vision, and the ability to leap entire exercises in a single bound!
You can be on round 4 of a 5 round circuit, and Captain Oblivious still has no idea what is going on.
They will go and check the white board between every set to see what is next, and sometimes even between reps to make sure they aren’t cheating those, either.
On top of the ability to forget what they are doing every 30 seconds, these people have no sense of personal space or safe workout procedures.
On their way to check the whiteboard to see whether it’s 9 reps or 10 reps, they pave a path of destruction through the workout.
People throw their medicine ball out of the way and whip their shins with skipping ropes in an effort not to crash into Captain Oblivious.
He doesn’t notice.
CrossFit is a sociable environment.
Being close-knit, the gym is a relaxed, friendly place where people can gather and vent about their days before and after their WOD.
But during the workout, there needs to be an intense focus.
Sure, there can be some discussion and words of encouragement, but mid-workout is not the time for long, drawn-out conversations.
The talker doesn’t quite get this.
In their mind, every second not talking is a second wasted.
They casually work their way through the WOD, but the real focus is on discussing all of life with their nearest fellow CrossFitters.
They complain about their life, they talk about politics, and they keep asking you what you are up to.
If you threw in some vaguely off-color comments, it would be just like talking to that one uncle who’s only allowed coming over twice a year.
If you happen to find yourself near a talker, be careful.
Accidentally making eye contact with them is basically an open invite for them to start, and never stop, talking your ear off.
So keep your eyes averted, throw your headphones on, and pretend you don’t hear their attempts at starting a conversation.
The Selfie Taker
Sure, this person likes CrossFit, they guess.
The workout is fine, the people are OK, and at least it gets them out of the house for a bit.
But why they are REALLY at the CrossFit gym is for the post-workout selfie.
They live for the selfie, and they are not afraid to show it.
Usually appearing at the gym in pairs, these CrossFitters will do a half-hour workout followed by a 45 minute selfie sesh.
Just a mediocre selfie is not enough.
They need the perfect mix of “I just worked my ass off at CrossFit” and “I somehow still look perfect despite that.”
It’s usually down to a science.
They wait 12-15 minutes after being done the workout so they are still shining with sweat, but not dripping sweat.
Then they strike their pose. Then another pose. And another.
This goes on for a while, but eventually they get one they like, and the 15 “likes” they get on Social media was well worth the hassle.
The Rep Cheater
This one is fairly obvious, but in case you need it explicitly written out: the Rep Cheater cheats while counting their reps, usually “accidentally” skipping a few to try and get a better score.
They treat each WOD like a poorly monitored CrossFit open, taking it seriously enough that they feel the need to shave off seconds of their score by any means necessary.
Unfortunately for them, nobody cares about each other’s scores, and everyone notices when these CrossFitters cheat their own.
It’s like they don’t realize that a CrossFit workout is meant to compete internally to try and improve yourself, not compare your scores to others constantly.
In the end, they only end up cheating themselves.
They also tend to always mysteriously be sick or injured when there actually is a competition where other people count their scores.
That’s why their score is so bad in the CrossFit Open.
They’re sick. It has nothing to do with the fact that they actually have to do 20 reps of everything instead of 17.
No, this person doesn’t always wear a Christmas-related sweater to every CrossFit Workout.
If that is where your mind goes when you read the title, then you probably have some weird people attending your WODs.
The Sweater sweats. A lot.
If you did not know better, you would probably think that they have some sort of problem with their sweat glands that they should go see a doctor about.
They thought that too, so they went and got it checked out. The doctor said “You just sweat. A lot.”
A pool of sweat bigger than small lakes forms around the Sweater at his workout station.
Sweat drips off of his nose like the second coming of Niagara falls.
He is the clear-cut favorite to win the sweat angel contest at the end of every WOD.
With all of that being said, the Sweater is awesome.
Part of the reason he sweats so much is because he is pushing himself to the limit.
So cheer him on. Just make sure you keep your distance.
They have worked hard for their body, and they are proud of it.
Maybe a little too proud of it.
As soon as a workout begins, they claim they are “Too hot” and take off any extra clothing that they can.
The shirt comes off.
The pants come off (assuming there are, you know, shorts underneath of said pants), even the socks would probably come off if that wasn’t weird.
Mr and Mrs Sexy love to show off the skin.
Not that there is anything wrong with that!
A big part of CrossFit is feeling good about yourself.
It’s no secret that some of us do CrossFit to look good naked.
If that means working out in almost nothing, then more power to you.
The Snow Blower
Everyone in CrossFit loves chalk.
And why wouldn’t you! It helps protect your hands, gives superior grip on your lifts, and makes you feel like a certified badass on every single rep.
The Snow Blower takes chalk to a new extreme.
Their whole body is covered in it, they eat it for a mid-workout snack, and a small chalk cloud follows them wherever they go like they’re the CrossFit version of Pig-Pen from Charlie Brown.
They rechalk between each and every rep.
If they so much as feel a bar on their skin, they know that there isn’t enough chalk forming a protective barrier.
They love to lift heavy, and the mental bonus that chalk gives them while going for a new personal best now outweighs the physical bonus.
The Friendly Beast
There is one friendly beast at every gym.
They lift four times the amount of weight as everyone else there combined.
They go so fast on the Assault Bike that they somehow break the sound barrier on an immobile object.
All in all, they’re just a beast.
You’re nervous to even go near them during your WOD.
They scream, their muscles bulge, and their eyes look ready to pop out of their head.
Honestly, they kind of scare the crap out of you.
They look ready to freak out on everyone in sight while stomping around between sets.
Medicine balls leave their hands with the velocity of a comet, threatening to leave craters in the floor.
Even the coach looks on in horror, sure that this beast will snap one of their barbells in half while deadlifting a small mountain.
But once the CrossFit workout is over, a change takes place.
In place of the screaming monster is the friendliest, kindest person you’ve ever laid eyes on.
They joke around with everyone and make newbies feel welcome.
They are the first to help clean up.
If there are elderly CrossFitters at your gym, odds are the friendly beast helps them to their car.
The Captain Hindsight at your gym takes ‘20/20 vision’ to a whole new level.
Instead of being happy that they are done a workout, they spend the next half hour making up excuses for why their score was so bad.
If they had just shown up 5 minutes earlier, they would have killed it.
If only they hadn’t forgotten that other pair of shoes they were going to wear.
The shoes they ended up having to wear were the Reebok CrossFit Nano 7 Weaves, which were so last year, and that really threw them off.
Sure, some excuses are pretty valid.
If they used their legs more to generate power for their cleans, they probably would have finished their workout a bit quicker, and looking at what you did well and what you could have done better is a big part of improving in CrossFit.
The big problem is that they say that after every workout, then the next workout they do the exact same thing.
Captain Hindsight’s excuses wins out.
Did We Miss Anyone?
These are just a few different types of CrossFitters who you’ll see at you local gym.
But if we missed anyone on this list, make sure you leave a comment below and let us know.
As different as they may seem at times, they all share a passion with you that brings you together day after day.
If CrossFit is your home away from home, then they’re family.
So treat them like family. Support them, bug them, but most of all, love them, quirks and all.
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